Tag: problem solving
How to Heal a Relationship After a Fight
Why Does Fighting with Your Partner Hurt So Much?
Relationship problems trigger huge emotions. You want to talk with your spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend without getting angry. So why does it keep happening?
Fighting threatens a person’s sense of safety. People often fight out of fear without even realizing it.
We rely on each other for protection, companionship, and love. It’s human to seek out secure, deep attachment with each other. It’s our nature. When something happens to hurt what we have together, we feel threatened. Our body gets triggered to act in self-defense. Our nervous system may even signal downright panic.
Deep down, we know that if our love relationship goes away, we lose something important and vital to feeling safe, stable, and okay in the world.
When We’re Emotionally Triggered, We Can’t Stop Fighting
A sense of danger drives up your pulse. It literally raises your blood pressure. That’s when partners start talking and from fear more than love. The nervous system takes over. Suddenly another argument happens, even if we don’t … Come Read the Rest
How Kindness Preserves Love When You Argue
“It feels like we have the same arguments over and over again.”
“I know deep down that I love him, but too often, I just don’t feel it.”
“Why does it take so little to set her off? I barely walked in the door before she started in on me again!”
“Why can’t we solve anything? We can’t stop fighting.”
Couples can love one another very much and still struggle to connect. They can be extremely committed to their relationship. But for some, minor spats keep turning into big arguments.
We see many couples who struggle to communicate. Why do disagreements get worse the more you try to talk?
You might be thinking: “There are so many things to like about him. But for some reason, I just can’t satisfy him.” Or: “She doesn’t see that I’m trying very hard to make her happy.” The paradox is, both partners are unhappy, both want to fix it, and neither seems to know what to do.
Most People Aren’t Selfish Jerks; The Danger is a Habit of… Come Read the Rest
10 Healthy Ways Partners Fight Fair
10 Warnings Signs that Arguing is Hurting Your Relationship and What to Do About It
As we grow up, each of us learns that there are many ways to approach an argument. We can fight — persist, badger and raise the volume — until we get our way. We can try to avoid it entirely by giving in, or keeping mute about issues. Some couples may find themselves stuck in a pattern of ‘fighting all the time.’ When arguing doesn’t solve anything, withdrawal can set in — a habit of turning away from each other for self-preservation.
It is sad when couples see their partner as someone to avoid, someone to change or someone who is on the ‘other side.’ But there is real reason to believe couples can shift from opposition to kindler gentler problem solving that has powerful positive outcomes. Deep down, each of you most likely wants to help each other reach your goals, individually and as a couple. Arguing successfully helps you both find solutions — and be happier together — … Come Read the Rest