Tag: John Gottman

Avoid contempt to stop constant arguing

4 Toxic Relationship Patterns You Need to Know

Every relationship hits rough patches.

But when you constantly feel hurt, ignored or rejected, it is natural to ask whether there is something fundamentally wrong with your relationship.

The key to a better relationship is how well you recognize blocks to emotional connection, and fix them.

Recognize Bad Advice

Most well meant advice on how to handle conflict doesn’t help you deal with emotional disconnection.

When you were growing up, how many times did you hear someone say:

“If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all!”

“If you are right, you never have to say you are, “Sorry.”

“Just ignore them, and they will stop.”

 “Stick and stones can break your bones, but names can never hurt you.”

Sometimes we put too much emphasis on being “nice,” at the expense of saying what you need. Too often, we’re told to disregard our human pain when in conflict with others. In relationships, we need tools to gently explore and name what we feel inside, or notice in someone else.

When we hit … Come Read the Rest