Tag: John Gottman

 
Avoid contempt to stop constant arguing

4 Horsemen in Relationships and How to Stop Them

Every relationship hits rough patches. But there are four toxic patterns many couples fall into when they argue. They’re called the four horsemen of the apocalypse. They’re common, and they predict divorce if they hang around. Find out how to recognize and stop them.

The key to a better relationship is how well you recognize these 4 toxic blocks to emotional connection, and fix them.

Recognize Bad Advice

Most well meant advice on how to handle conflict doesn’t help you deal with emotional disconnection.

When you were growing up, how many times did you hear someone say:

“If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all!”

“If you are right, you never have to say you are, “Sorry.”

“Just ignore them, and they will stop.”

 “Stick and stones can break your bones, but names can never hurt you.”

Sometimes we put too much emphasis on being “nice,” at the expense of saying what you need. Too often, we’re told to disregard our human pain when in conflict with others. In relationships, we … Come Read the Rest