Tag: John Bowlby
How Secure Attachment Makes Relationships Work Better
Have you ever looked at a loved one’s photo and felt happy? After sharing a problem with someone who understands, did a wave of peace and calm wash over you?
You might enjoy such feelings because of a special emotional bond called secure attachment.
“A secure bond is…. a vital safety cue for your nervous system – one that colors the world as manageable – and basically safe enough to explore and enjoy,” says researcher Dr. Sue Johnson:
“Such a bond is also where we trust that a person will respond to us emotionally…. This does not mean that they will always be able to protect us or solve our problems. It means that we will not face these problems alone.”
We Are Born With the Need for Secure Love
It’s natural to want a lasting emotional connection with another person. We have an inborn need for secure attachment. It’s vital to our sense of safety and wellbeing.
We start looking for someone to turn to from birth. One of the first things … Come Read the Rest
How to Find Deeper Love by Understanding Attachment
We want closeness. But all couples fight sometimes. The biggest mistake in a relationship isn’t having arguments. What gets couples in big trouble is avoiding the emotions involved.
Couples can create closer emotional connection with each other, or drive themselves apart. It depends on the way they share emotions. You can make huge positive changes in your relationship by knowing more about emotional attachment.
Couples often seek counseling to stop “fighting all the time about the same stupid things.” The fights usually aren’t just about sex, money, habits, housekeeping, work, or any other topic.
Most couples are really arguing out of desperate isolation and frustration. They feel emotionally starved for connection with each other. They are fighting against something that threatens their need for safe attachment.
The connection between distress and attachment can be hard to see at first. Most couples need a bridge to take them from painful fighting to re-connection so they feel understood, accepted and soothed.
Now, thanks to new knowledge about attachment between adults, we can build that bridge.