Tag: healing

couples therapy alexandria va

10 Tips for a Happy Relationship: Love Thrives On These

Relationship Care Kit

Build a Stronger Love With These 10 Tips

Think of your relationship as a garment you want to last a lifetime. To keep it looking and feeling great, you would strengthen the seams, mend any small rips, and avoid damage to the fabric.

Here are 10 ways to help refresh, reinforce and repair your relationship. And they work. All are backed by research!

1) Show You Care When You Argue

gottman 5to1

Conflict doesn’t have to damage your love. There’s a tipping point, though. Studies show that couples who stay happy together show at least 5 times more positive signs to their partner than negative ones when they argue.

The ‘magic ratio’ is 5:1. For every 1 negative exchange (especially in conflict), at least 5 positive things happen for couples who stay happy after fighting.

The math comes from Dr. John Gottman. Among other things, he counted positive and negative interactions between couples during a disagreement.  When he compared couples who stayed together with those who divorced later, he found the couples who stayed together happily also … Come Read the Rest

how much to work on a relationship

The Biggest Sign that You’re Working Too Hard on Your Relationship

We’ve all heard that every relationship takes work. Care, time and attention are necessary – that is indeed how we maintain good relationships. But at some point, you may find yourself asking, am I trying too hard in my relationship??

Often, people can mistake working really hard for being in a good relationship.

Working hard in a partnership is not enough by itself to create a relationship that is healthy and satisfying emotionally for both people. It’s the quality of your connection that counts.

Signs That One Partner Is Trying Too Hard in the Relationship

How can you tell if the work you are doing is feeding a good relationship — or not so much?

The relationship may not be healthy for one or both of you when one partner is doing much more than the other out of concern for the relationship. People in this situation may tell themselves, “This is just what I have to do.”

It’s often hard for the overworking person to see that their partnership can be much more than … Come Read the Rest

Depression support for couples

Could Depression be Wreaking Havoc with Your Relationship?

Depression support for couples

Sometimes the greatest stress in a marriage or partnership isn’t about poor communication or a loss of love and affection.

The hidden issue for many couples is depression.

This condition often plagues couples who come to therapy confused and distressed about changes in their relationship that they don’t understand. Neither one realizes that a mental health issue has developed behind the scenes.

When one partner is struggling with depression, the other frequently feels overwhelmed and hurt, and does not know what to do.

It is good to finally know what is troubling someone you love. But now you have a new challenge: How can you help yourself and your partnership through this incredibly tough time?

Why Depression Often Goes Undiagnosed

Depression can take hold without notice, often because it has no clear onset. About two-thirds of people with symptoms of depression never seek treatment, says the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA).

Depression has no single cause, but several factors can bring on symptoms. It can be situational – following an event that has turned … Come Read the Rest

10 ways healthy couples fight fair

10 Healthy Ways Partners Fight Without Hurting Their Relationship

10 Warnings Signs that Arguing is Hurting Your Relationship and How to Fight Fair

As we grow up, each of us learns that there are many ways to approach an argument. We can try our best to fight fair. We can persist, badger and raise the volume — until we get our way. We can try to avoid it entirely by giving in, or keeping mute about issues. Some couples may find themselves stuck in a pattern of ‘fighting all the time.’ When arguing doesn’t solve anything, withdrawal can set in — a habit of turning away from each other for self-preservation.

It is sad when couples see their partner as someone to avoid, someone to change or someone who is on the ‘other side.’ But there is real reason to believe couples can shift from opposition to kindler gentler problem solving that has powerful positive outcomes. Deep down, each of you most likely wants to help each other reach your goals, individually and as a couple. Arguing successfully helps you both find solutions — … Come Read the Rest

Healing from infidelity

Is My Spouse Cheating? How to Face and Heal From Infidelity

Healing from infidelityDiscovering a partner’s betrayal is a trust-shattering experience that can bring you to the lowest point in your life. Whether it’s lipstick on the collar, or messages you find on your partner’s phone, the shock of learning your partner is involved with someone else will trigger overwhelming feelings.

When you discover infidelity, you have a rough road ahead. You’re angry, deeply hurt, and scared to death about what’s happening. But if you want face the affair and stay in your relationship, here is what you need to know.

Begin With the Goal in Mind

If your partner is cheating, and you want a chance to save your relationship, you need to prepare yourself carefully.

One of your most important choices is how you decide to bring this up. The overwhelming feelings involved make this a momentous effort. The challenge starts by facing your own devastating hurt, and then preparing yourself to talk about this with your partner.

It takes a black belt in self-restraint to put your relationship first. Especially when you are terrified of … Come Read the Rest