Tag: Gottman

 

5 Emotional Signals a Relationship Needs Help

When you and your loved one said ‘I do’, you already knew that marriage would take hard work. But you saw something special and important in your love. Every couple has their ups, downs and rough patches. You planned to work through them together.

You may not have known then just how difficult those tough times could feel later on.

Some fighting and arguing is normal – even healthy. But the point of airing disagreements is to get back to being happy together. What if that’s harder than you expected? When is it time to ask for help?

Research shows there is no single top reason that most couples seek counseling. Instead there are two number one reasons: A loss of good feelings and affection, and trouble communicating. No matter who you are — a military couple, a civilian couple, newlyweds or long-time spouses, you have probably faced one or both of these challenges.

Struggling On Your Own for Too Long?

On average, couples struggle in their relationship for 6 years before seeking help. We … Come Read the Rest

five-healthy-relationship-findings

Five Favorite Findings About Healthy Relationships

five-healthy-relationship-findings

Many of us hope the new year will find us growing closer and more secure in our relationships. If you are taking time to think about the kind of partnership you want to build, and what you personally can bring to it — what a wonderful gift.  Your thoughtful attention is a priceless present in itself — more unique, important and valuable to a healthy relationship than anything you can put in a box.

We, too, are reflecting on what it means to have a relationship working well. We want to highlight some favorite findings about building secure and happy relationships.  Here are our top 5 tips to help love grow and flourish in the coming year:

#1 Give positive motives a chance. 

Relationship experts agree, we have a negativity bias when it comes to the way we understand the world around us. It means, we give more credit to darker, more hostile versions of ideas, experiences, and sensations when something unpleasant comes to our attention.

This negative bias is good news and bad news.  Come Read the Rest

10 ways healthy couples fight fair

10 Healthy Ways Partners Fight Fair

10 ways healthy couples fight fair
10 Warnings Signs that Arguing is Hurting Your Relationship and What to Do About It

As we grow up, each of us learns that there are many ways to approach an argument. We can fight — persist, badger and raise the volume — until we get our way. We can try to avoid it entirely by giving in, or keeping mute about issues. Some couples may find themselves stuck in a pattern of ‘fighting all the time.’ When arguing doesn’t solve anything, withdrawal can set in — a habit of turning away from each other for self-preservation.

It is sad when couples see their partner as someone to avoid, someone to change or someone who is on the ‘other side.’ But there is real reason to believe couples can shift from opposition to kindler gentler problem solving that has powerful positive outcomes. Deep down, each of you most likely wants to help each other reach your goals, individually and as a couple. Arguing successfully helps you both find solutions — and be happier together — … Come Read the Rest

5 tips for arguing with love

5 Love-Saving Tips When Arguing With Your Partner

Arguing with your partner can really hurt.

Handled one way, it can cause pain and injury. But handled another, something beautiful and tender may unfold. It depends on how you go about arguing with your partner.

When an important issue raises your different views on any matter — money, parenting, sex, work, life — it is natural to feel angry, upset, maybe even chilled to the bone. Arguing with your partner may not necessarily damage your love – it depends on what you do with them.

Partners who love each other can still feel negative and critical thoughts toward each other sometimes. Those who are able to work around the negativity can find their way back to happiness together. Others get stuck in a downward spiral, where nothing gets solved and animosity grows.

Is the Problem Your Partner, Or Your Pattern?

Gridlocked couples fight differently than happier couples do. Struggling couples often misunderstand the reason for their growing (and unwanted) hostility: They think the issue is the kind of person their partner is. More likely, … Come Read the Rest

accepting differences

A Science-Based Secret to Resolving Differences with Your Partner

Accepting InfluenceHe works long hours; she wants him home for dinner as a family. He likes their place tidy; she forgets to put things away. She wants to hear what he’s thinking; he’s mum.

Couples can fight about almost anything. What matters to their overall happiness is how they learn to resolve their differences. Why do some couples go from conflict back to closeness, while others grow apart? Being able to accept our partner’s influence is key to getting along well.

The Fear of Disconnection

A common — but mistaken — hope is that “getting my way” will make everything all right. When a couple sees that their relationship is in danger, underneath is an urgent need to re-align.

“Our loved one is our shelter in life,” explains psychologist and researcher Sue Johnson. At the first sign of trouble — perceived indifference, rejection, dismissal or abandonment — something inside goes into panic mode. If we think we have lost our partner’s understanding, our fear may drive us to restore it as fast as we can. … Come Read the Rest