Tag: Emotionally Focused Therapy
Do You Hide Personal Problems From Your Spouse?
Do you hide personal issues you’re facing from your partner? You might want to protect your loved one from worrying too much. But there’s a risk to your partnership in keeping too much of your inner world to yourself.
Sometimes one partner is afraid to go to the other a problem. There’s great fear of speaking up and having something bad happen. That in itself can create problems in a relationship.
Here’s an example. John lived with his wife Jane in the US. But John’s mother in England started having trouble taking care of herself.
John’s worries about his mother grew. He became preoccupied with her troubles, which strained an already troubled relationship with Jane.
During one of our couple’s sessions together, John brought up his ongoing concern for his mother. Then Jane burst out: “You’ve never even asked me if I would be willing to move so we could help your mom.”
Jane felt passed over and invisible. She was heartbroken that John could not see her longing to be part of solving the … Come Read the Rest
4 Horsemen in Relationships and How to Stop Them
Every relationship hits rough patches. But there are four toxic patterns many couples fall into when they argue. They’re called the four horsemen of the apocalypse. They’re common, and they predict divorce if they hang around. Find out how to recognize and stop them.
The key to a better relationship is how well you recognize these 4 toxic blocks to emotional connection, and fix them.
Recognize Bad Advice
Most well meant advice on how to handle conflict doesn’t help you deal with emotional disconnection.
When you were growing up, how many times did you hear someone say:
“If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all!”
“If you are right, you never have to say you are, “Sorry.”
“Just ignore them, and they will stop.”
“Stick and stones can break your bones, but names can never hurt you.”
Sometimes we put too much emphasis on being “nice,” at the expense of saying what you need. Too often, we’re told to disregard our human pain when in conflict with others. In relationships, we … Come Read the Rest