Tag: Emotionally Focused Therapy
Do You Hide Personal Problems From Your Spouse?
Do you hide personal issues you’re facing from your partner? You might want to protect your loved one from worrying too much. But there’s a risk to your partnership in keeping too much of your inner world to yourself.
Let me explain with a quick story.
I worked with one married couple I’ll call John and Jane.
John came from London to America, where he and Jane met and got married. John’s mother remained in England where she lived alone. Over the years, John’s mother started having trouble taking care of herself.
John’s anxiety about his mother grew. He spent increasing time and attention preoccupied with her troubles. His worries strained an already troubled relationship with Jane.
During one of our couple’s sessions together, John brought up his ongoing concern for his mother. Then Jane burst out: “You’ve never even asked me if I would be willing to move so we could help your mom.”
Jane felt passed over and invisible. She was heartbroken that John could not see her longing to be part of … Come Read the Rest
4 Toxic Relationship Patterns You Need to Know
Every relationship hits rough patches.
But when you constantly feel hurt, ignored or rejected, it is natural to ask whether there is something fundamentally wrong with your relationship.
The key to a better relationship is how well you recognize blocks to emotional connection, and fix them.
Recognize Bad Advice
Most well meant advice on how to handle conflict doesn’t help you deal with emotional disconnection.
When you were growing up, how many times did you hear someone say:
“If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all!”
“If you are right, you never have to say you are, “Sorry.”
“Just ignore them, and they will stop.”
“Stick and stones can break your bones, but names can never hurt you.”
Sometimes we put too much emphasis on being “nice,” at the expense of saying what you need. Too often, we’re told to disregard our human pain when in conflict with others. In relationships, we need tools to gently explore and name what we feel inside, or notice in someone else.
When we hit … Come Read the Rest