Tag: EFT therapy

couples therapy alexandria va

10 Tips for a Happy Relationship: Love Thrives On These

Relationship Care Kit

Build a Stronger Love With These 10 Tips

Think of your relationship as a garment you want to last a lifetime. To keep it looking and feeling great, you would strengthen the seams, mend any small rips, and avoid damage to the fabric.

Here are 10 ways to help refresh, reinforce and repair your relationship. And they work. All are backed by research!

1) Show You Care When You Argue

gottman 5to1

Conflict doesn’t have to damage your love. There’s a tipping point, though. Studies show that couples who stay happy together show at least 5 times more positive signs to their partner than negative ones when they argue.

The ‘magic ratio’ is 5:1. For every 1 negative exchange (especially in conflict), at least 5 positive things happen for couples who stay happy after fighting.

The math comes from Dr. John Gottman. Among other things, he counted positive and negative interactions between couples during a disagreement.  When he compared couples who stayed together with those who divorced later, he found the couples who stayed together happily also … Come Read the Rest

Avoid contempt to stop constant arguing

4 Horsemen in Relationships and How to Stop Them

Every relationship hits rough patches. But there are four toxic patterns many couples fall into when they argue. They’re called the four horsemen of the apocalypse. They’re common, and they predict divorce if they hang around. Find out how to recognize and stop them.

The key to a better relationship is how well you recognize these 4 toxic blocks to emotional connection, and fix them.

Recognize Bad Advice

Most well meant advice on how to handle conflict doesn’t help you deal with emotional disconnection.

When you were growing up, how many times did you hear someone say:

“If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all!”

“If you are right, you never have to say you are, “Sorry.”

“Just ignore them, and they will stop.”

 “Stick and stones can break your bones, but names can never hurt you.”

Sometimes we put too much emphasis on being “nice,” at the expense of saying what you need. Too often, we’re told to disregard our human pain when in conflict with others. In relationships, we … Come Read the Rest

Love is like a safe harbor for you and your partner

Finding Safe Passage to Emotional Connection

What are we looking for in our most important relationships? It’s that feeling of a safe, dependable, steady connection with another person. It helps us stay on an even keel despite whatever is going on around us.

What we’re looking for — what we are wired for — is secure emotional connection. Without it, we’re like storm-tossed ships at sea. Much of what keeps us afloat during the tumult of life, and anchors us to a sense of purpose, is a strong enough awareness that we matter, that we are important and valued by someone we care about.

We hear popular love songs and see books and movies full of love stories. Yet for many of us, real-life emotional connection is hard to find. People are everywhere, but still many of us feel isolated, afraid, and alone. It’s like the passage to connection is hiding in plain sight. Why does this happen?

Why Is Emotional Connection So Hard Sometimes?

Many of us may have missed the chance to learn by experience what secure love and … Come Read the Rest

how much to work on a relationship

The Biggest Sign that You’re Working Too Hard on Your Relationship

We’ve all heard that every relationship takes work. Care, time and attention are necessary – that is indeed how we maintain good relationships. But at some point, you may find yourself asking, am I trying too hard in my relationship??

Often, people can mistake working really hard for being in a good relationship.

Working hard in a partnership is not enough by itself to create a relationship that is healthy and satisfying emotionally for both people. It’s the quality of your connection that counts.

Signs That One Partner Is Trying Too Hard in the Relationship

How can you tell if the work you are doing is feeding a good relationship — or not so much?

The relationship may not be healthy for one or both of you when one partner is doing much more than the other out of concern for the relationship. People in this situation may tell themselves, “This is just what I have to do.”

It’s often hard for the overworking person to see that their partnership can be much more than … Come Read the Rest

5 Emotional Signals a Relationship Needs Help

When you and your loved one said ‘I do’, you already knew that marriage would take hard work. But you saw something special and important in your love. Every couple has their ups, downs and rough patches. You planned to work through them together.

You may not have known then just how difficult those tough times could feel later on.

Some fighting and arguing is normal – even healthy. But the point of airing disagreements is to get back to being happy together. What if that’s harder than you expected? When is it time to ask for help?

Research shows there is no single top reason that most couples seek counseling. Instead there are two number one reasons: A loss of good feelings and affection, and trouble communicating. No matter who you are — a military couple, a civilian couple, newlyweds or long-time spouses, you have probably faced one or both of these challenges.

Struggling On Your Own for Too Long?

On average, couples struggle in their relationship for 6 years before seeking help. We … Come Read the Rest

busy couple relationship help

How to Keep Love Strong When You’re Both Busy

It’s almost five-o’clock and you’re at work. You want to call it a day, so you reach over to shut down your computer. But your hand hesitates as you look around for one more extra thing to check on.  There’s nothing urgent – you realize with a sobering feeling that you don’t look forward to going home anymore.

All couples have their disagreements, but when unresolved arguing persists over time, it begins to take a toll on everything you do, especially on how you feel towards your relationship.  You remember how you and your partner used to enjoy some wonderful moments together. The life you began together is precious to you in many ways. But lately you may find yourself thinking: “We argue all the time, and we fight over small things almost every day. No matter how hard I try to resolve a problem, I never get it right.”

It’s miserable to feel this way.  You don’t want to keep fighting, but you’re disheartened and confused.  You may wonder if you should spend some … Come Read the Rest

We Can’t Talk Without Arguing: How to Stop Fighting All the Time

“We’ve been together for 8 years, and over the last few years we’ve been steadily drifting apart. We keep having the same argument over and over, touched off by different things, and we only end up hurting each other. If I try to bring up something that upsets me he just gets angry, and tells me to get over my feelings. We rarely just talk or do anything fun together anymore. When I try to talk with him he gets cold and uncommunicative, and it’s unbearable. What has happened? Why can’t we talk without arguing?”

When a marriage or relationship runs into trouble, the anguish and confusion couples describe often sound like this.

Why is this happening?

When people feel unhappy in a marriage or relationship, they want to find out why. Whose fault is it? A wife may think: Why won’t he be nice to me? Why are his friends (or laptop, or job) more important? We can’t talk without fighting.

The man in the relationship may be wondering: Why did she change her … Come Read the Rest