Tag: attachment

Imperfect parent

How You Can Be Imperfect AND be a Great Parent

A huge challenge for parents is knowing how help when children make mistakes. A parent’s support, especially when things don’t go well, fosters the self-worth and self-compassion it takes to learn from what happened.

I recently watched my brother coach his kids on riding new curved walls on their skateboards. There were plenty of spills, and some bruises. The kids were in charge of how many runs they made, and how fast or slow.

Their dad encouraged them, and gave them feedback on technique. You have to experience gravity and momentum, slope and speed to know how they work, right? He stayed present right along side them as they learned.

Parents want to protect their children. So, they often feel the urge to make problems go away. Yet, as children become teens and adults, they often need a safe person to talk to about challenges.  They want support to explore their own solutions. A parent can be a valuable source of strength as a trusted guide, without taking over.

Of course you want to … Come Read the Rest

Love is like a safe harbor for you and your partner

Finding Safe Passage to Emotional Connection

What are we looking for in our most important relationships? It’s that feeling of a safe, dependable, steady connection with another person. It helps us stay on an even keel despite whatever is going on around us.

What we’re looking for — what we are wired for — is secure emotional connection. Without it, we’re like storm-tossed ships at sea. Much of what keeps us afloat during the tumult of life, and anchors us to a sense of purpose, is a strong enough awareness that we matter, that we are important and valued by someone we care about.

We hear popular love songs and see books and movies full of love stories. Yet for many of us, real-life emotional connection is hard to find. People are everywhere, but still many of us feel isolated, afraid, and alone. It’s like the passage to connection is hiding in plain sight. Why does this happen?

Why Is Emotional Connection So Hard Sometimes?

Many of us may have missed the chance to learn by experience what secure love and … Come Read the Rest

Strong relationships

How Healthy Relationships Make You Stronger

Growing up did you hear any advice like this?

“Don’t depend on others for your happiness.”

“If you want something done right, do it yourself.”

“You’ve got to learn to stand on your own two feet.”

Being independent is a source of pride for many of us. It’s woven into the fabric of our culture. When author Dr. Wayne Baker recently surveyed Americans about their values, he found over 85% said “they would rather depend on themselves than on others.”

But in relationships, too much independence brings trouble.

Understanding Different Types of Attachment

There’s a lot of confusion about the value of depending on each other. Many of us believe that if we need someone else emotionally, we are being overly dependent – even childish.

But what we really need is secure attachment. Some working definitions may help:

Secure attachment – a relationship in which we believe that the other person is going to come through for us, and believes that we are basically good; we think the same about them.

Insecure attachment – … Come Read the Rest